I have been married now for over 9 years and as I reflect on the many conversations I have had over the years with people from all sorts of backgrounds I have found for men the most common question I have been asked is…
“How do I know she is the one?”
The question is she the one is normally a precluding thought to marriage. You are either on the verge of considering popping the question or on the edge of ending a relationship. Both of which are for various reasons and I have seldom seen those who were between the two.
Truthfully, I wanted an answer to this same question when I was first thinking of proposing. My answer never came, but what I learned I passed on to other people who ask me the same question and to people like you who find yourself reading this article.
The answer I found did not come from any book, or relationship guru, or even a men’s magazine. The answer I found was in a $100 dollar bill.
One particular evening I had just left from work where I had a terrible day. The customers I had that day were exceptionally hostile to a poor young phone salesman trying to earn a commission.
While thinking on whether or not I was going to change my career, I was walking half-deep into my own thoughts with my head a bit down. And I noticed a $100 bill in my path receding out of a small slot in the floor of the hallway which I was exiting.
Instantly, the woes of work washed away and I reached down to pick up this new found prize of mine. As I handle my prize I noticed the bill was a bit heavier than I would expect paper to weigh. Attached to the bill was a small box containing a ring, and with a note which read. “If found please return to…..” with a name and address to a home which was near the mall.
This new found prize at that moment sent my own personal integrity into a battle with itself on whether or not I should keep the ring and the cash and go about my evening or to actually attempt to return everything to its rightful owner.
Of course, I went home and slept on the matter and as the conflict continued, my thoughts changed from the person who has found a treasure to the person who lost it. Empathy played into my mind and heart the entire evening and I was convinced at sunrise I would do the right thing.
I steeled my resolve and made my way to the address listed on the note with the ring box and knocked on the door. The door of the two-thirds brick home opened and a woman only a few years my senior with bloodshot eyes, stood before me. Immediately, I introduced myself, and explained the purpose to which this stranger was knocking at her door. As I detailed the story I could not help, but notice her face which was fixated on mine, began to tear up, though seemingly she refused to allow the tears to fall. Softly she asked to see the ring as to verify my story. I held the note and box out to her. She softly took the box, opened it and stared at it with the same emotional intensity which she had regarded me with as I told her my story. After regarding the note with the $100 bill, to my surprise she gave me the money. A little bewildered, and partially shamed for wanting to keep it originally I asked her to explain. She told me about her fiancée who had gotten this ring for her had died after an argument about the very ring which I had brought to her the night before. She had just returned home from the hospital after watching him take his last breath. When I told her to keep it and that it wasn’t necessary she softly replied, “Keep it, you knew the value of it when you picked it up.”
Know the value of the person you are with, especially if they are important to your life. To often we take time for granted, most often the reason for this is simply situations in life which we find ourselves facilitating. There are thousands of tales and personal stories of people who loved, but lost. This has even influenced music artist. There are many who sing sad songs of a loved one who they can no longer love.
When you take value into someone, you anticipate spending every moment you can with them because they are someone special. Just like when I found that $100 bill, I had anticipated spending every penny from it. But it wasn’t until the value in my eyes had changed that the bill had taken on new meaning. Compassion now played a roll into my decisions rather than reckless selfishness.
How did I know my wife was the one? I decided for myself she was when I saw her true value, the same way I now see the $100 bill and the same way this woman saw her now deceased fiancée.
How we see our relationship will determine in a large part how we make our decisions.
“A man that find a wife find a good thing, and obtain favor of the Lord”
I let the woman I had been dating know I had found a wife in her, but unlike the $100 I was, and still am determined to keep her for myself. The rest I left up to her, and almost a decade later and I still know the value of the wife I found. And she has found value in me.
Author / Contributor – K.J. Boggs